by Col. Sang-kil Han
On June 5, 1989, Father held a Leaders’ Conference at the World Mission Center in New York City. During the course of the conference, he told leaders that he would no longer come and speak to them as he has been doing for so many years here in America. When he left, our elder brother Col. Han shared his own testimony to Father. The following content is excerpted from the words he spoke that day.
While Father is upstairs, I wanted to share a few thoughts with you from my experience of listening to Father for many years.
Father has given us all he can think of that is worthwhile and that he knows will be helpful to us. He even commented a few hours ago that he spoke a long time in order to give everything and not miss anything. He has done that almost all of his life. Otherwise I don’t think Father could have passed along as much to us as he has.
When we first join the Unification Church, most members are fascinated by Father’s deep knowledge and God-centered spiritual wisdom. We wonder how in the world he discovered what he knows. But it takes a long time of listening Father speak to completely grasp the meaning of his words. Though our ability to understand increases as we mature, still the more we hear Father’s words, the more we may experience our inadequacies and limitations to fully understand him.
In Korea in the 1950s and 60s, Father spoke very intensely for many hours. We can never forget that intensity: it was like the whole spirit world was pressing down upon us in an atmosphere that was pitch dark. Father had to work very intensely to penetrate this desolate situation. Often he would start speaking around 7, 8, or 9 o’clock in the evening and continue through midnight. There was a curfew in Korea at midnight at which time no one was allowed to go out into the street. Anyone remaining in the church at midnight had to stay there until 4:00 a.m., when the curfew ended. So Father often stayed until 4 or 5 a.m. For as long as I can remember, every single day during the several years after I joined the church Father’s main focus and activity was speaking to us in that extremely intense way. Though I didn’t retain enough of what he said, that experience served as a real foundation to understand his words.
Most of Father’s words at that time were not recorded, since we had no recording system. The extent of retention by old members is also limited. This is the greatest loss to humankind, and we can only hope that the loss can be eased by the many words of Father’s that have since been recorded.
Conceptual understanding
The way Father spoke in Korea is quite different from the way he speaks in America. Of course there are common points, but in America, Father speaks so concretely. However, in Korea he spoke much more conceptually. Conceptual talk is really the basic foundation for concrete understanding, so it’s very important. Therefore, American members may not have that profound foundation that we need to fully understand Father’s concrete way of talking. Without it we are apt to take Father’s talking very shallowly. We listen to Father, but how much do we really understand? How seriously do we take his words?
After listening to Father for many years, I have become aware of what is most important, what is second most important, and so forth. It took me a long time before I confidently felt able to classify like this. So for a young member to evaluate the relative importance of Father’s words is almost impossible.
Therefore, we have many different kinds of responses and feelings listening to Father’s words. Sometimes we may be like a hungry person devouring them, and become so full we stumble around. Yet our understanding may remain limited. We want to grow, but we aren’t sure how….
Each time we meet Father, he gives us more content. We are very inspired and so determined, but after a while we fall back to our previous position. We may lose the sense of where Father is leading us, sometimes even thinking Father is talking to us as a condition, and not with the intention that we directly apply his words to ourselves.
I have come to realize that receiving Father’s words sometimes becomes a burden on us, for knowing truth is a burden. When we did not know the truth, we were without responsibility. Our spirit knows that hearing truth means taking responsibility, so sometimes we don’t want to learn!
Father gave us everything
When we notice our detachment, we must remind ourselves that Father is extremely serious about giving us an understanding of God, history, everything—the type of education we can never get in any school, library or encyclopedia. It is that unique. This is the content that God hid from Satan, lest they be taken by Satan—taken for granted, misused, or misinterpreted.
No matter how often Father speaks to us, unless we ourselves really strive to understand the value and meaning of Father’s words, we will not fully gain the benefit of what he says. The strongest motivation derives not from waiting for Father to say something more or different, but from deeply grasping the substance of Father’s words.
Just as a teacher cannot predetermine all of the students to utilize what they are taught, Father cannot determine how well we understand. Father has suffered and prayed so much that he knows which words are necessary for different types of people. This is why Father speaks with such vast breadth of content, so that we can all catch what we need.
Early days in Korea
Thirty years ago, when Father spoke in Korea 10, 12 hours all throughout the night and all throughout 10 years, he told us, “Very soon I may not be doing this; I cannot do this all the time.” Sure enough, after True Parents’ wedding in 1960, we could no longer listen to Father throughout the night.
It was so desperate spiritually at that time. Father said there was not even one sparkle of light. And that’s exactly how I felt—as if there were no light whatsoever. Don’t think the way Father spoke then was the way he speaks now: confidently, relaxed, scolding, serious, but organized. No. Father spoke out of his guts and from the desolate blackness of the spirit world. Father was desperately reaching out to us, spitting out the words. He was planting the seeds over and over again in the barren sand. Nobody knew what kind of fruit would grow, not even Father. Of course he was hoping it would bear fruit, but not even Father was sure.
Understanding his words was so strenuous then. Listening all night was very tiring. We received a lot of what he said, but we were dozing off a lot, too. Yet the members who were there eight or nine years learned a great deal. These are the Korean leaders. They understand far more deeply than they can express.
Our early church was so poor. We had nothing to eat. Rice was our staple, but we often ran out of rice, and there was nothing to make kimchi out of. Then around the time Father stopped speaking all night he said, “God will give us material blessing.” Indeed, our movement did start to become materially blessed. At that time, as now, Father used the money for public projects and never wasted even one penny. Even Father’s pants are jersey pants that don’t wrinkle so much. Except at formal times, Father never dresses in as good quality of clothes as he has bought for me. One of his relatives nicknamed Father “Stingy” because he does not spend any money on himself, nor does he waste any money. Yet, Father spends so generously for public events.
Learn from Father’s attitude
We must stop waiting. The cause of our not understanding Father’s words comes first from our improper attitude, and second, from our lack of seriousness. If we had been truly serious, then we would have a much better understanding now. Father has been so serious. All throughout this time we have felt “I have Father, so I have nothing to worry about.” In a way, this is good. In other ways, this is very bad, because it means that Father is the only person on earth who is truly worried about mankind. He desperately needs at least a second person to worry about humankind with him.
When Father had about two thousand Korean members, he heard each of them confess their life. Father remembers every one of them: name, birthdate, birthplace, all particular highlights and personal information–his memory is just incredible! Years later when he meets one of those people, Father remembers more vividly than that individual does. Once someone asked Father, “How could you remember all of that?” Father answered: “That’s how serious I was. When you’re dead serious, you don’t forget. When you’re not serious, you forget.” That’s how serious Father is, and he takes each member very seriously.
And we are supposed to be like him—that’s the big challenge. Father has been teaching us to reach that goal. The only way to achieve that goal is to love him more than anything else. That’s why Jesus said,
“Whoever does not love me more than anything else in the world, is not worthy of me.” How many people in the Christian world understand? How many Unification Church members understand these words in more than just a conceptual way?
The only way to learn from Father’s words is by loving him, not conceptually, but completely and sacrificially. If we were hungry and Father appeared, would we choose to see Father even though we might starve to death; or would we go to eat and postpone meeting with Father until later?
Without having the proper perspective and attitude, Father’s words will only be intellectual knowledge that is superior to what we have learned so far. However, in reality, Father’s words are substantial spiritual nourishment. Just as we cannot live without food, our spirit cannot sustain itself for very long without Father’s words.
When we read the Bible or Father’s words with calm, quiet concentration, then their meaning may dawn on us and make an impact. Suddenly we begin to understand, even though we may have heard the same words 10 or 20 times before. Therefore, we need to study Father’s words with great seriousness and spiritual effort, meditating and praying so that we can understand them.
Col. Sang-kil Han was Father’s interpreter on many occasions during the years True Parents were in the United States. Some years ago, he ascended to the spirit world.