In the Hands of God – Part 2

by Christian Zwerger

This testimony was published first in Today’s World magazine, May 1991 issue, and at that time Christian Zwerger was the National Leader of Bulgaria

Part 2 (Click to read Part 1)

It was clear to me that God would continue to ask me this question; I could not escape. So I said “Okay. Of course, You know it is Gerti. She is the most precious person.” Then He said, “Are you ready to offer her?” And I answered, “No, not for one person, not for 1000 people, I wouldn’t give her up. Or for 10,000 people. She has much more value to me. Also for You: we are blessed and our original sin is forgiven-and this has much more value. She has given birth to 2 blessed children-so she has much more value than that.” Then God asked, “Are you ready to offer her for Bulgaria, the nation you are responsible for?” Then I had to think. Although we are taught to offer the family for the nation, I asked God, “Can I think about it some more or do I have to say immediately?”

When the feeling came again very strongly, I wasn’t willing to offer her for Bulgaria. Normally, you would think I should, but we are the only blessed couple in Bulgaria. I told God I felt I could only be ready when it’s for the highest purpose, that is, for God and True Parents-not for one nation. I thought if I offered her only for Bulgaria, then she was bound in some way to that one nation. I didn’t want her to be bound in any way. If she had to be offered, I wanted it to really be for the Providence of God and for True Parents-only for the highest purpose or when it was very, very necessary. That would embrace the whole cosmos, including Bulgaria. Then I had the feeling that God accepted this, so I said, “Yes.”

This thought was so difficult for me, as Gerti and I loved each other so deeply. She was the mother of two very young children, and we understood each other very well. She was so good in supporting me in the mission and doing so well many of the things that I should do. We had so much work in fulfilling the responsibility for all of Bulgaria. Many brothers and sisters are coming now; we had to take care of them as well as many external things such as organizing conferences, and the mobilization from England and from America. Many qualified people are coming and there are no older members. As a couple, we had the highest responsibility for Bulgaria.

We were returning from a leaders’ conference in Camberg, Germany on January 21, 1991. We had stopped to buy extra food for Bulgaria and were traveling on the highway just 30 minutes from Frankfurt. I had been very ill during the three-day meeting, so two Bulgarian members were sitting in the front seat, with Gerti and I in the back. I had wanted to rest as I was very tired after the illness and the conference. It was the first time Gerti and I had been together in that manner in front of the members. Normally we never did this; because they are young and must be brothers and sisters, we always maintained that same relationship when we were with them. But this time I laid my head in her lap and said, “You know I feel so good and now the son of man knows where he can lay his head.” Other than that we didn’t say anything.

Thirty minutes later our car broke down on the highway and we all got out to warn the oncoming cars. It was dark, and Gerti was hit by an oncoming car passing us on the shoulder where she was standing. She went into the spiritual world.

I shouted 5 or 7 times, then I became very quiet. I knew this was no ordinary accident. As I walked to where Gerti had been hit, I felt God very, very near. I spoke with her in my heart, “I cannot hear you now; but I want to tell you that you are now in the spirit world. You lost your body through an accident; so don’t be confused. Maybe you want to speak with me or the other members and we can’t hear you. That is because you are in the spiritual world.” I spoke with her awhile in this kind of vein. I felt some response from her, so I said, “It’s okay if you know already; I’m telling you this to make sure.” Then I began to pray right near her that God could take this offering for Him and for True Parents, for Eastern Europe and for Bulgaria.

I thought that clearly, this offering was for a very high purpose, but one or two moments after this thought, I had doubts about whether God had taken this offering for the highest purpose. Then God said to me, “I always keep My word. It was very necessary and I keep My word.”

Visions of Gerti

One Bulgarian sister, who had been fundraising in Hungary, knew that Gerti was in spirit world; because one night after this accident, she had deep experiences with Gerti the whole night. This sister said these experiences were not dreams, but were more of a vision or direct spiritual experience with Gerti.

Gerti came to her and then the sister Victoria asked her, “Does this mean that you are in the spirit world? But you are alive; I can see you and you’re smiling.” Gerti said, “Yes, but only my body is dead. I am alive.” Victoria told me that Gerti was very, very beautiful, very bright and in some way free. Gerti told her during her visit, “I’m very free now. You cannot imagine. No one on earth can imagine the possibilities there are in the spirit world.” Victoria asked her, “But why did you die?” Then Gerti said to her, “It was very, very necessary.” These were the very words I had spoken to God; I had never told Gerti the exact words of my conversation with God. Also, Victoria had never known of my experience.

She was smiling, was not complaining, and had no resentments. This was a very 1 pure and clean offering. Then Victoria asked her, “Then for what purpose did you die?” Then Gerti smiled and said, “I cannot tell you the purpose. But this was

very, very necessary.” Gerti comforted Victoria, freeing her of a heavy feeling. Gerti told her, “When you or the others are very sad, there is a prison wall around you. I cannot come to you because you are not open. So please don’t be sad. Don’t worry about the accident.” After this, Victoria was very happy, which means Gerti gave her so much comfort that she felt no need to cry out all the sadness she felt at the loss of Gerti.

I met Victoria in Bulgaria a few days after her experience with Gerti and she was happier than she had been before the accident. This was a really a strong experience for Victoria. She saw Jesus and Heung Jin

Nim with my wife. Then Gerti showed her a long list and smiled. She said, “Look at how much I have to fulfill now; there is a lot of work here.” And then Gerti’s arm went around this sister, hugging her. In the vision, Gerti took Victoria to Bulgaria and began explaining what should be done: “Here is Sofia, the capital of Bulgaria.” And immediately Victoria saw Sofia. Then with her finger, Gerti showed Victoria a man: “This man (with his face becoming visible to Victoria) is very important.” Then Gerti put her finger on another person and immediately Victoria saw his face. “This person is very, very important,” said Gerti. She went on and on.

Then Gerti took Victoria to another city and continued to point out to the people that it was important for the church to meet. Gerti gave so much information that Victoria couldn’t remember all of it. One thing was obvious: Gerti was happy and immediately working-continuing to witness and work for True Parents without stopping. This was exactly how she was in the physical world-always running and investing a lot of energy in the mission.

And then Gerti brought Victoria to me. I was sitting with red, desperate eyes. Gerti wanted to speak with me, but then she stopped. Again, she wanted to say something and again she didn’t. Victoria felt she wanted to tell me something very important; then Gerti said, “I will tell him later what I want to say.”

Gerti appears to me

Fourteen days after the accident, I dreamed there was a mountain, surrounded by beautiful nature and a meadow. In the meadow, three persons were sitting, Gerti, a sister, and a brother. Gerti was beside the sister, witnessing to her: “It’s good when you accept True Father and all these things.” The sister looked uncertain whether to believe in True Father. “I like you” she was saying to Gerti, “but these things are all so stupid to me.” But Gerti continued to speak with her. I heard this from a distance of 100 meters, where I was watching them. I had a strong desire to be together with Gerti. Gerti recognized my desire; she was also interested in speaking with me, that’s why she came to me. This is a law in the spirit world. So the next moment we were walking together on a path in the woods. We could see the sister and the brother some distance from us. I took Gerti’s hand-“Oh I can feel your hand-so it is possible to feel you substantially.” She was only smiling; so we just walked hand in hand. As I was speaking with her, I felt she wanted to rejoin this sister, for she hadn’t finished her talk with her. She was always thinking “How can I convince her to accept the Principle?” as I held her hand. So I said, “Okay go back to the sister.”

It will be beautiful when we can be together a longer time, but in the spirit world, you go where your heart is. In the beginning, her heart was with me. Later, her heart was to finish witnessing to the sister.

While Gerti was on the earth, we experienced the love of God and felt God in our relationship. In the beginning there were not many members, so we had more time to invest in our relationship. We had been together four years before she passed into the spirit world. Through three years of spiritual foundation and four years of physical foundation, we could fulfill the four-position foundation. This year is the tenth year of my mission in Bulgaria and it has been ten years since Gerti and I were matched. The number ten symbolizes the “return to God.” Gerti returned in a literal way back to God.

Gerti wrote these words in the front of her last diary: “Trust means you put yourself in the hands of God completely: To have roots in the heart of God and in the heart of one man and therefore to be able to see with confidence into the future. Trust means to believe in the power of love, to be a strong optimist, to search for absolute goodness-to risk your own life for something or for somebody, to start walking on the way to the Heavenly Kingdom.”