Understanding How True Parents Feel
Sometimes for reasons we do not know, the authors of testimonies choose to keep their name secret. This testimony was written in the early days, and exemplifies the wisdom gained from experience in the field. We are grateful, some forty years, later to share this with the worldwide membership
One time when I held a little ill African child in my arms and she was so quiet and trusting, I felt as if I were holding the whole African continent in my arms to love and to protect.
I went to African church services, and sometimes I was the only white person in the whole congregation, but I was accepted. I wanted to know and to share the heart of the African people. My last year in the country, when I had more time for witnessing, I often had to walk many miles or hitch-hike because the bus service was not so good. But I was so happy to be able to do that, I didn’t care if my back ached. I have not experienced great spiritual phenomena, but I felt, more and more, such intense love for my country and the people I felt responsible for. I had sleepless nights which I spent praying and crying for one of my spiritual children. Often I would get up early in the morning between 4:00 and 5:00 a.m. to pray for the people, or for the country which was involved in such a terrible war, yet there seemed to be no solution, no end. At this time, I already had much pain in my back, but I would gladly suffer more if it could be of any help.
It was at this time in Rhodesia [now Zimbabwe] that I learned to pray with tears. I almost never had a prayer without tears. And I thought I never knew what love is until I became a foreign missionary. One experience which shook me the most was with a Baptist. He had experienced rebirth many years ago, but through many sad circumstances he lost his faith and found himself in hell. I will never forget him kneeling before me and asking, “Please bring me back to God.” He was so desperate I decided to help him, although I felt he might not be able to understand the Principle yet. But I hoped at least he would be able to pray again, to find more peace so that God could reach his heart. I shared many desperate situations with him. One of them was when his wife, who had left him many years earlier to marry another man, was dying of cancer and he still loved her very much. This experience allowed me to feel Heavenly Father’s heart very much. I wondered how much God has suffered for so many thousands of years with us and because of us. Will we ever be able to understand His broken and bleeding heart?
There was another person, longing desperately to meet God and to find salvation, yet clinging so closely to the Bible word for word. I saw him as the representative of Christianity, but still he could not accept this new truth. I never cried so much for one person.
Through this person I learned to understand how True Parents feel. I am so deeply grateful for this experience because now I know that unless we understand the heart of people, of the True Parents and of Heavenly Father, we cannot even know our own heart and how we can be people of hope, and ultimately help others. If our tears can mingle with the tears of others, we can bring people to God.