Romania: Friday Open HoonDokHae Discussion
By CARP Romania
On the 18th of November 2016, we organized our weekly HoonDokHae meeting. This Friday’s topic was: “Communication – emotion and action”. The focus was on how to communicate better with people around us, especially with our parents.
As HoonDok material we used passages from “Me and my Universe”, an educational book from the International Federation for Education. The first point that was approached stated that there are several types of relationships that we build and search for as human beings: vertical relationships (as those between parents and children or generally people belonging to different generations/age groups), horizontal relationships (including friends or people that we are considering similar to us and competitors/opponents or even rivals) and relationships that combine both planes – vertical and horizontal (these connections can change their nature and quality depending on people’s ability, knowledge, experience and rank/responsibility, but also on the circumstances).
The second point of the discussion stated that there is no absolute incompatibility between people but that the level of our relationships and the communication they involve depends on people’s level of maturity, openness, willingness to sincerely listen and accept another person’s point of view. In order for things to develop we need compassion, empathy and even the courage to dissolve our pride and admit our mistakes and limitations. The third point presented the family tradition as described in the Confucian life-view stat underlines the importance of lineage: “To be human means to have parents”. Filial piety refers to continuing the work of your ancestors and letting it as an inheritance to the future generations.
The fourth and last point of the text spoke about the reality of family relationships – mentioning reciprocity, independence and the gradual turn of positions, wherein at some points we will become the parents and our parents will become our children. We wanted to raise awareness concerning decision taking and the importance of letting our parents know how we feel and what we need, what we are going through and what are our expectations and needs from them.
To digest and discuss about the ideas from this material we divided in four teams, setting up SES (ShimJung Education System) members as team- leaders, and we had discussions centered on the ideas from the text. We also tried to answer several questions connected with the topic of the meeting. The questions were: “What words would you have liked to hear from your parents during your childhood?”, “What is the most valuable lesson/life principle that you learned from your parents?” and “Think about what message you would like to transmit to your future self?”. As an additional task, each team tried to find some principles that would improve their emotional relationship with their parents.
The discussions by teams were open and deep, sometimes arriving even at being a heart-warming sharing about what parents have endured for our sake. Everybody tried to answer the questions and to get involved in the conversation. At the end of the discussions in teams we gathered back together and shared the conclusions.
The first team started by saying that they have the best parents in the world and that we should be better children, that would validate their parents more, showing their gratitude and appreciation. What is needed from parents is not the material support but the love they give, the time they invest. The second team said talked about trust and interdependence between parents and children, where both sides admit their limitations and mistakes but open the door to forgiveness and regained trust. The love between the parents that can be observed by the children is also an important safety factor in the growth of the children. The third team mentioned the roles of teachers and friends that the parents must assume and that they need to be free and natural in expressing their affection. The last team had the longest speech about harmonious relationships between all the members of the family, about the support the children need when they make some mistake and how any conflict has to be avoided in order to keep the atmosphere a proper one for the children’s development. Life lessons were shared about goodness and positive thinking, about filial piety and fidelity, righteousness, dignity and spiritual gain above material gain.
Each team representative also shared one advice about what we can do in order to improve the communication with our parents. Also, the rest of the guests came with some ideas and in the closing time we listed eight: “Very useful pieces of advice in communicating with our parents”:
- Say “Thank you, Father!” and “I love you, Mother!”
- Trust each other.
- Be open and direct with your parents.
- You have to deserve everything that you have, that you receive.
- Help them and listen to them.
- Have a spirit of initiative.
- Tell them how we feel.
- Try to also do their will – compromise.
The discussion inspired everybody and we hope that our guests found a way to have better communication with people around them and especially with their parents. We received a good feedback and the guests said they will return to the center with other occasions.
Just as True Father said it many times: “Family harmony makes everything possible.” We hope that we can create the atmosphere of true love and true values that can also encourage the spiritual growth of our brothers and sisters!
Thank you so much Heavenly Parent and True Parents for all your love and support!