Romania: Friday Open HoonDokHae Discussion
Resolving the human conflicts: to forget or to forgive?
By CARP Romania
It has been almost two whole years since we started this kind of event on Friday afternoons, part HoodDokHae, part open discussion on different topics concerning the life and reality of the Romanian student and citizen of all ages. We appreciate that our True Parents, through theirs peeches have always tried to guide us and teach us about life’s purpose, value and direction. Our own responsibility is to be true to ourselves and honestly invest our time, our effort, our intelligence and our heart.
The topic that we approached last week, on the 21st of October, concerned our attitude in front of conflict. It’s an emotionally sensitive topic and we tried to listen patiently and have empathy towards the different situations from each other’s lives.
As well as other frustrating moments in our lives, conflict is a point towards which we are quite ignorant. The problem is not concerning a certain person’s ignorance but a general state that we are in: my ignorance, your ignorance, the normal person’s ignorance, each one of us.
“Conflict is a fact of life. Under ordinary circumstances, conflict is neither good nor bad in its self; it is the way people respond to conflict and handle it that determines its outcome. Conflict, like all adversity, is best looked upon as an opportunity for character growth a chance for individuals to call upon and refine their inner resources to challenge themselves to new frontiers of empathy and relationship skills. The ability to resolve conflict is a vital part of a sound and mature character.”
So one point of view that appeared at the end of the discussion time is that in order to stop conflict in the right way we have to control or deny the EGO but keep our dignity, our healthy pride. Knowing when to give up in what might end up as a fight and compromising, acknowledging also the opposite opinion is a great sign of maturity and inner-growth.
“Unfortunately, many people respond to the presence of conflict by seeking to terminate the situation where they find it. They quit jobs, leave schools, divorce, sever friendships, never go into a certain store again or stop talking to a relative. These avoidance methods bring temporary relief, but in fact, unresolved conflicts inevitably return to haunt the person. They often reappear in a new form or with new people, continuing to surface until resolved.
Until the problem is healed on the deepest level of the human heart, it inevitably permeates a person’s interaction with the others. People who have changed cycles of neglect and abuse in their personal histories to become loving, respecting parents to their own children sometimes feel they are literally changing fate, breaking up the bad “karma” of their family line.
Conflict needs to be dealt with on the deep, causal emotional level before peace can be well and fully established – whether it is peace between nations, races, societies, communities, students, families or within an individual. The heart of the problem is in the human heart.”
This paragraph led us to the second conclusion of the meeting: that conflicts must be solved in the right time and that they must be handled with great care and understanding. People need support to get out of a negative state of emotion and if sometimes a good book or a happy song can do the trick, essentially only love can mend a broken heart.
One of our CARP members mentioned a situation that he witnessed when an orphan boy was so much bullied that he almost lost the will to live, isolating himself and pushing other children away, but when some of the social workers invested more heart into supporting him he changed and became the best in his class, learned how to cook and even started to assume more responsibilities for the household.
Like at the end of many of our meetings we tried to encourage the participants to see the best in themselves as love for the others starts with love for the self. We hope that both guests and CARP members had a good experience and that they could discover new places in their hearts.